Faith Path: Purity
Recommended Ages: 12+
Purity is much more than refraining from sex or heeding a list of ‘things not to do’. It is a positive, passionate existence that frees us to experience all God made us to enjoy.
Give a Vision for God Honoring Thoughts & Actions
Webster’s Dictionary defines “pure” as “free from everything that might make dirty, change, or lower the quality; free from sin or guilt.” Purity is much more than refraining from sex or heeding a list of ‘things not to do’. It is a positive, passionate existence that frees us to experience all God made us to enjoy. Sadly, our culture bombards kids with opportunities to tarnish their lives making fun of those who try to remain clean. How do we help our children go against the norm and live a life filled with the intense joys only purity can bring?
STEP ONE: Clarify the Standard
Psalms 119:9 says “How can a young person stay on the path of purity? By living according to your Word.” While Jesus Christ was the only person to live a life of total purity, he invites us to follow his example by fulfilling the purpose for which we were made. When it comes to purity, our children need to understand that their bodies belong to God first and to their future spouse second. 1 Corinthians 6:18-21 says “Flee from sexual immorality. Your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit. You are not your own. Therefore honor God with your body.”
STEP TWO: Focus on Purity, Not Just Sex
It is vital to emphasize remaining a virgin before marriage. Purity is much more than saying no to premarital sex. There is a current trend in teen culture to define purity as not “going all the way,” while anything else is considered fair game. God desires for us to have much more than “technical virginity” before marriage. He has a great plan for our hearts, minds, and actions. Teach your child that purity involves every area of life.
STEP THREE: Give a Positive Vision
Give a positive vision of the purpose and joy of sex in the context of marriage. Nothing gives a child a positive view of God’s design for passion like basking in the love of parents who cherish one another and speak positively about the joys of marital intimacy.
STEP FOUR: Delay Temptation
Kids want to start dating younger than ever before. One study showed that a child who starts dating at twelve years old has only a 9% chance of remaining a virgin at eighteen years old. If they wait until sixteen, however, they are 80% likely to be a virgin at eighteen. God made us with desires that are very good. Those desires can be awakened too early. Talk to your child about purity before allowing them to date and continue to dialogue after they start the process. The topic can be awkward, so try to make the experience comfortable. For one child, that could mean scheduling a regular coffee date. For another, it might mean chatting while hunting or attending a sporting event. Find some context for keeping the lines of communication open.
STEP FIVE: Pray for Them
Commit yourself as a parent to cover your child in prayer. Pray specifically for his or her purity in relationships, a clean thought life, and integrity in school and other activities. Pray for a heart that is connected to Christ and a mind immersed in God’s Word. Practical Ideas:
- Write letters to your child. Share your heart and scripture instead of mere rules. Give them a vision of God’s plan for their lives. Plan a time to talk about the letter after they have read it such as a special breakfast or coffee date. Take time to listen to what they say and try to steer clear of teaching or lecturing.
- Have your child write out what they want in a future spouse. As they get closer to dating, have them pull that list out and talk through the potential individuals that they are interested in dating to see if they fulfill that list. Ask the following questions: What would your future spouse want from you in purity? What do you want from your future spouse?
- Use the Purity Checklist (DOWNLOAD HERE) to help your child set boundaries and accountability to remain pure.
- Help your teen solidify a commitment to purity using the My Purity Commitment card (DOWNLOAD HERE). Consider buying a ring or other item as a symbol of their commitment. Remember this is your child’s decision. Your job is to provide guidance, support, and honest conversation.
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recommended books
Passport2Purity Kit
By Dennis and Barbara Rainey
A life-changing getaway with your preteen. Your child begins the journey into adolescence in a world of sexting, bullying, online stalking and moral defiance. Innocence is under attack, and you cannot win the battle with a single awkward talk or a strict set of rules. The primary defense for your child is a strong relationship with you and with God. FamilyLife has developed Passport2Purity to assist you in building heart-to-heart communication with your preteen while laying a foundation of purity that will prepare them for the turbulent years ahead. Through the shared listening experience, object lessons and guided conversations of a Passport2Purity weekend getaway, you can set your son or daughter on a journey of moral integrity—and strengthen the bond between you. Passport2Purity is designed to be used by a mother and daughter or a father and son when the child is a preteen. It is suggested that the materials be completed over a weekend away from home, as the child may be more open to discussing the topics away from his or her normal environment. If this isn’t possible, the material can be completed over a period of four or five weeks.
The Purity Code
By Jim Burns
The Purity Code can help kids and their parents build a solid "theology of healthy sexuality" and instill godly values about sex, their bodies, and relationships. Rather than shy away from the tough questions, Burns addresses head on the issues facing 21st-century preteens.
Choosing to Wait
By Laura Gallier
More than 40% of high school students are sexually active - what can be done? This book goes beyond boundary setting, and instead empowers parents to cultivate convictions in their children so they are prepared to stand strong when faced with temptation. While other publications focus on modifying a child's behavior, this book gives parents the power to ignite lasting character transformation in their kids. Parents are equipped to effectively convey truths through a healthy discipleship connection. Author and mother of three, Laura Gallier focuses on three critical areas: Preparation, Application, Motivation. She guides parents and children into a biblical understanding of the purposes and sacredness of sex within marriage as well as the realities of sexual sin. She also provides practical tools to assist parents in this sometimes awkward (but very crucial) life issue. Arm your kids today with emotional, spiritual, and physical ammunition that will keep them from making the wrong choice.
About Faith path
We believe God designed the family to be the primary disciple-making relationship. In other words, God gave parents the privilege of nurturing faith in the next generation. That’s why the Faith Path was created. It's a step-by-step plan to help you be intentional as you prepare for key faith milestones and foster spiritual disciplines in your child’s faith journey. From parent dedication to leading your child to Christ to launching your young adult, the Faith Path resources are designed to assist you in discipling your children.