Intentional Parenting
A good church is important in a child's spiritual journey, but faith is nurtured in the home. Parents should be intentional about raising their children up in the way they should go.
Giving a Strong Spiritual Legacy
Every believing parent hopes his or her child will embrace the faith and grow deep spiritual roots. Studies tell us that over half of those growing up in Christian homes will back away from Christian commitment by the time they leave the teen years. Too often, parents “outsource” the spiritual formation of their children to the church. While a good church is very important, God designed the family to be the primary place where faith is nurtured. Parents need to understand four principles that can help them become more intentional about their child’s faith.
THE LEGACY PRINCIPLE
The Scripture tells us that what we do today directly influences the multi-generational cycle of family traits, beliefs and actions for good or bad (Exodus 20:5-6, Psalm 78:5-8). Passing a strong faith to our children begins by having a strong faith ourselves. Modeling the gospel in our marriages is important to how we relate to those closest to us. Some of us need to break negative cycles that may have started with our own upbringing in order to launch a new, improved legacy for the next generation.
THE LIKELIHOOD PRINCIPLE
Good news. In the context of healthy relationships, children tend to embrace the values of their parents. Proverbs 22:6 tells us that when children learn right from wrong at home under the nurturing, loving training of parents, they tend to adopt mom and dad’s beliefs. While there are no guarantees because every child has a free will, kids are far more likely to embrace their parent’s faith if they enjoy their parent’s company. That is a big part of the reason parents are warned not to “provoke your children to wrath” but rather “bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4). Bottom line–a strong relationship with mom and dad is key to a strong Christian faith.THE LENSES PRINCIPLE
Jesus taught that our enemy’s primary weapon is deception. He strives to get us to believe and live according to lies rather than truth (John 8:44). When someone is deceived, he or she does not know it. Our children are growing up in a culture that bombards them with lies. An hour or two per week at church is no match for the hundreds of hours spent with media, school, and friends. Truth competes with a child’s fallen nature that often wants to rebel against what is good, true, and beautiful. It is the job of parents to equip children with the corrective “lenses” of truth so they can better navigate the deceptive roads of life.
THE LEARNING PRINCIPLE
Our children can only learn what we teach them in a manner that will reach them. In other words, we need to vary our approach based upon their unique personalities, learning styles, and most importantly, stages of development. Children fall into one of three stages that should guide the methods we choose for discussing our faith and values at home:
- The Imprint Period: (toddler to about age seven) Small children are all ears. They will believe because mom or dad said it much like a baby gosling that imprints itself onto its mother and follows wherever she leads. Young children soak in what we tell them. This is an ideal season for teaching basic Bible stories, memorization, and other building block truths of Christianity.
- The Impression Period: (about age eight to early teen) During this season, children no longer accept what we say at face value. They may question us, push back, or even argue. During this season, children do need to know what we believe. They also need help understanding the rationale behind those beliefs. While more work, this is a positive part of their faith development because it means they have grown past blind acceptance and are ready for deeper understanding.
- The Coaching Period (early teen to young adult) Our job changes when the kids enter the coaching period. We can motivate, encourage, challenge, and advise. We cannot force feed. We can help them clearly articulate what they believe, challenge their thinking, and remind them of the “basics” learned during the “practices” of the imprint and impression years. We can provide a safe environment in which to wrestle with—and even question—the values they have learned. Maintaining a strong relationship and frequent dialogue are the keys to your influence now.
In light of these realities, parents can become intentional about creating and capturing opportunities to nurture the roots of faith in their children.
recommended books
It Starts At Home
By Kurt Bruner and Steve Stroope
As your children grow, will their faith grow too? As both stories and statistics attest, the number of evangelical children who abandon Christianity in adulthood is staggering. To see effective change, parents cannot leave their child’s faith to chance. Rather, families must start nurturing faith early—you cannot start once your child is grown, you must start at home. Strengthening family and home life is the best way to encourage your children to maintain a lifelong faith. It Starts at Home upholds marriage and family as the proving ground for lasting success. Experienced pastors Kurt Bruner and Steve Stroope provide a clear purpose, an effective strategy, and a simple plan for anyone who wants to be intentional in their homes. Their insights will help leaders recalibrate their priorities by asking them to evaluate their leadership where it counts most. This newly revised edition evaluates the current trends families and young adults face that can contribute to this crisis. Don’t let your child’s faith fade to memory—learn how you can create a home that will prepare them for lifelong faith.
En Español
El papá frente al espejo
By Patrick Morley y David Delk
Los autores Patrick Morley y David Delk, disertantes y líderes de grupos de hombres, comparten en este labor el secreto de ser unos padres llenos de la gracia de Dios que comprenden que su tarea más importante es contribuir a la formación de la próxima generación tanto en sus actitudes como en su vida de fe.
Como criar a los varones
By Dr. James Dobson
Los varones son diferentes! Pero con la presión de la sociedad de que el "género es neutro," muchos tratan de moldear a los niños y a las niñas por igual. En este libro, el doctor Dobson explica por qué los varones son como son, cómo comprender su desarrollo emocional y físico, y la mejor manera de motivarlos a ser hombres consagrados a Dios.
Cómo criar a las hijas
By Dr. James Dobson
La presión. Los desórdenes alimenticios. Las demandas académicas. Las metas y cómo lograrlas. Las decisiones acerca del amor, acerca del romance, acerca del sexo. Estos son sólo algunos de los muchos desafíos que las chicas encaran hoy en día, y la edad en la que los enfrentan es cada vez más y más precoz.
¿Cómo está usted guiando a su hija en el camino a ser una mujer adulta? ¿La esta equipando para que tome decisiones sabias? Aunque ella todavía juegue con muñecas o esté en el medio de los a menudo turbulentos años de adolescencia. ¿Está verdaderamente segura en su identidad como su hija amada y valorada?
Este libro de gran éxito de ventas del The New York Times, Cómo criar a las hijas del conocido autor y consejero familiar, el Dr. James Dobson, lo ayudará a encarar los desafíos de educar y criar a sus hijas para que lleguen a ser mujeres fuertes, sanas y seguras que sobresalgan en la vida.
La Bendición
By Dr. John Trent
Todo ser humano necesita el regalo de "la bendición", el amor y la aceptación incondicional que viene de una relación sana con nuestros padres. En esta actualización de uno de los clásicos de mayor éxito editorial La bendición, los coautores John Trent y Gary Smalley ofrecen una perspectiva novedosa de este regalo que cambia vidas, mediante consejos prácticos y concretos sobre cómo establecer cimientos firmes en la vida de cada uno de nuestros hijos. La bendición transmite, de forma poderosa, verdades bíblicas sobre cómo inspirar la autoestima y el bienestar afectivo en otros, con base en estos cinco elementos fundamentales:
- dar un abrazo amable
- decir unas palabras
- dar importancia
- visualizar un futuro especial
- un compromiso activo
La aceptación de nuestros padres afecta la forma en que nos vemos nosotros mismos y cómo nos relacionados con los demás. ¿Y qué pasaría si no hubiéramos vivido esto? Los capítulos finales incluyen ayuda y esperanza para aquellos que crecieron sin la bendición de sus propios padres, la bendición y los abuelos, formas de vivir la bendición, e ideas para momentos de bendición.